life generally just gets weirder, lonelier, harder and more fucked up then the sun shines and you forget why you were sad.

I think those might have been the truest words I ever wrote, they are wonderfully emo and yet they're true, true two years ago and true today...

....something feels off, i think i might have to do something soon or i'll sink, i'll just forget to tread water and the wave will wash over me and that'll it be, lost nothing worst really sucked into the vast and horrific ocean....how can i feel so fucking alone,

i am fundamentally flawed, why do all my entries sound like suicide notes?
nx

I want to be on holiday somewhere far far away from here!

Roll on June!

so after a little break from reality i am about to be thrust full force back into....i'll be hurtling towards london and further away from my life in the country...I'm excited and scared, which is stupid as i've lived there nearly 2 years, but i feel like something has changed within me, i am not the same person in so many respects....however i realise now that to get where i want to go i have to first finish my life in london....look on the positive...it'll surprise u..

THE JOKE IS ON THE SUN

as the game continues you
should seek to say ever more clearly
what you truly
believe
even if what you truly
believe
turns our to be wrong.

it can be a hazardous
and difficult
task.

but
if you can't laugh
at the impossible odds
we all endure as
we seek to understand
and know

then you will
surely sleep
restless
in the
coffin.

CHARLES BUKOWSKI

life generally just gets weirder, lonelier, harder and more fucked up then the sun shines and you forget why you were sad.

isn't it odd i like writing here i know no-one will really read it, i dont really want people too...i'm writing this for me...and through this place i've discovered alot of cool things which is good.....

...i've become a terrible dreamer though more than i've ever been really....honestly i'm living this whole alternate live in my mind...its really a little worrying although i love it. I love escaping into this world anytime i want i feel safe when i have my mind to disappear into....living in this fantasy world inspires me.

ummmm thats it really...i bought an amazing spotty top today and some yummy jeans...and then i dyed my hair lol thats all i've done!!

i need to escape though need to be somewhere else...and i want him i think i want him to find me and fall...fall so deeply in love that neither of us can escape.

Hey i have so much to do its just plain scary....so as usual i've managed to put off the task at hand by roaming the interweb aimlessly....thought i'd do a quick update....just because i can...not that i really think people will read this because its not exactly stunning...i just wanted to vent for a bit.....

...i cant wait until friday...all deadlines will have vanished and i will be shopping in camden with one of my favouritist friends in the whole wide world...i'm going buy a joy division tee-shirt for another on of my dearest friends who has been nothing but amazing too me and i've been totally neglecting her recently, which has made me feel awful!!!

it's fucking freezing in our house too, and i can't decide what to listen to might go steal jesus and mary chain album from housemate...ohhh that sounds like a plan, might also make hot chocolate on way back...then i will conquer this evil essay demon and be essay free for at least a month!!!

later love n x

I've never done a online journal type thing before, but i have about a million and one different thoughts everyday so i decided that maybe if i channel these thoughts into something that they might help my general mental state.

things that i've noticed today:

~ the way that squirrels tails almost float behind them as if they are free from the rest of their bodies,
~ that london buses are so much nicer if you travel midday on any week day,
~ why do crazy old men always look so vulnerable at first glance?
~ that i should not listen to my ipod if i am feeling isolated, nothing makes you more isolated than being plugged into your own musical world...


My general feeling about today are a wee bit mixed i sort of wasted my day, procrastination will be the end of me i fear i will procrastinate my life away...or at least my degree at this rate...right must sleep have far too many deadlines

love n*